


So Tonight That I Might See

by mcgarrygirl78



Series: When Happily Ever After Fails Universe [5]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-02
Updated: 2012-01-02
Packaged: 2017-10-28 18:12:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/310709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If she said she felt OK, then she felt OK.  The problem was that OK had ten million definitions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	So Tonight That I Might See

**Author's Note:**

> This story is told in the When Happily Ever After Fails universe. Sexual assault is mentioned, though not in detail. There is also underage sex and drug use. Parts of this story were influenced by deselfleur’s random tweets. And I know how much she loves Ian; even if I think my writing of him never does the Ian in her head justice.

“I have no idea how you listen to this pansy bullshit.” He spat in that thick Irish brogue.

“Shut up…this band kicks ass.”

“Kick ass? They’re fuckin chicks.”

“Shut up.” She laughed, reaching out to punch his chest. “Noel Gallagher is one of the foremost writers of his generation.”

“What lame ass, wannabe music magazine did you read that in?” Ian asked.

He grabbed his backpack, pulled out some Top paper and a dime bag. He handed them to Emily and she smiled.

“My opinions are my own. I don’t need _Spin_ to tell me what’s cool.” She opened the baggie, dumping some in the paper.

“Maybe you just like them cuz they’re cute.” He made a face.

“I won't deny that, but they're musicians too. I know you like to be all philosophical, musical, and genius-like about your music but not every band can be Deep Purple, Black Sabbath, or Rainbow. Someone had to be Bon Jovi and Oasis.” She licked the paper after rolling it, completing her work.

“I hate to say it but I begrudgingly respect Bon Jovi. They write semi-respectable blue-collar pop metal, kinda like Springsteen Lite. But it’s true and to their hearts. Oasis is just a shitty version of The Beatles.”

“I think this is misplaced Liam hatred entirely.” Emily replied. “Gimme a light.”

“What's the magic word?” Ian leaned so that he was right in her face. He always got that close when he wanted a kiss.

“I said gimme.” Grinning, Emily took the Thunder Road Zippo lighter from his hand.

She tousled his hair, which was cut really short. Ian’s hair was going prematurely white, which she loved but he hated. Emily encouraged him to grow his hair out, it would be sexy. He refused. It had been the only thing he refused her since the day they met.

“You can be a little bitch sometimes.”

“You love it.” putting the joint in her mouth, she lit it. Deeply inhaling the marijuana, Emily leaned back on her pillows and let it fill her head.

Ian had to fight the urge to move on top of her. Since everything what happened with Baleman, making a sudden move on Emily was a bad, bad idea. The few times he’d done it, by accident of course, she managed to handle it OK. But that didn’t mean Ian wanted to make a habit of it.

She wasn’t the same girl she’d been before that piece of shit kidnapped her. That didn’t mean he wasn’t still crazy about her. Ian still couldn’t figure out why, there were a million women, and a few teenage girls in the world, he could be with. Fuck them all, he wanted this one.

The fact that she didn’t quite want him only made him crazier about her. What the fuck was that? He must have been smitten to let an evening spent in her bedroom listening to Oasis slide. Dammit.

“Just listen to an entire Iron Maiden album.” Ian said as he took the joint and the toilet paper roll stuffed with dryer sheets. “I recommend _Piece of Mind_. All I'm asking is you give it a listen.”

“I can do that. Then you can listen to a Smiths record; or Oasis.”

“Fuck Oasis.” He said laughing.

“C'mere, you bastard.”

Emily sat up some, pulling Ian to her by his belt. He held the hand holding the joint up so he wouldn’t burn her or any of her girly blankets and stuff. She had a lot of stuff on the bed. When she kissed him, it immediately stirred that desire in his belly. He wasn’t sure what to do but as long as she was kissing him, he was gonna kiss her back.

“You want this?” Ian asked, pulling away some and taking another puff. He was feeling horny and didn’t want anything to backfire on him. Best believe if she wanted to fuck him, he was all in. But there didn’t need to be any confusion.

She nodded, took the joint and deeply inhaled. After she blew it out Emily wanted to go back to kissing. She put it out in the ashtray on the nightstand, pulling Ian back in.

“If your Aunt comes in here she’d gonna kick my ass.”

“I told you that she’s at her friend Ursula’s. Its book club night and they go for hours. She probably won't be home until at least ten. It’s just after seven. Do you wanna do it or not?”

“Yeah, I just…” he took her face in his hands, kissing her cheekbones. “You're OK, right?”

“Mmm hmm.” Emily nodded.

Ian wanted to press a bit more, ask some questions. He knew Emily well enough to know she wouldn’t open up much. Emotionality was not her thing. Surely she was afraid, as he was, that if she ever opened those gates they couldn’t close again. She’d almost told him once what happened in that paper mill with Stephen Baleman.

In the end Emily just couldn’t go there. Ian knew she was raped; she said as much. The rest of the details were off limits. He didn’t want to know anyway. He was already angry enough about someone doing that to someone he loved. Baleman was lucky that Seaver kid had blew his nuts off…Ian would’ve tortured him until he welcomed death.

“You know I’d never hurt you.” he whispered against her lips before kissing her.

“Stop being so goddamn sensitive.”

“I will if you stop being so tough.”

“What do you want from me Ian? Do you want me to fuckin cry and be all victimized?”

“Shut up.” He kissed her.

Emily smiled against his lips as she started to tug at the Aerosmith tee shirt he wore. Ian sat up some, took off his tee shirt, took off hers, and got right back to the kissing. He wanted to be naked with her, stripped bare; it had been such a long time. Surely those first two times they had sex, one of them her first altogether, couldn’t have been a great experience.

He wanted to make it great…for his ego and her satisfaction. The two were not mutually exclusive. Second base had always been good for them so Ian would play the foreplay like a symphony. He knew how to make Emily moan, writhe, giggle, and say his name. She knew how to do the same to him. Well, he never giggled but she damn sure knew how to make him smile.

As soon as they were naked, which didn’t take long, Ian grabbed the stereo remote from the nightstand and turned off Oasis. Emily just laughed but let him do his thing. Skipping CDs, Ian stopped when he got to Mazzy Star. One more tap of the remote and the song was on repeat.

“Oh please,” Emily rolled her eyes but she smiled. “We’ve just turned this into a very special episode of some ubiquitous teen drama.”

 _I want to hold the hand inside you  
I want to take a breath that’s true  
I look to you and I see nothing  
I look to you to see the truth…  
Fade into you  
It’s strange you never knew  
Fade into you  
I think it’s strange you never knew_

He touched her, and his touch was soft. Ian could be that way when he wanted to be. Emily sometimes wanted it rough around the edges but she’d let him have his moment tonight. She loved to be touched, caressed, kissed, and nibbled by him. She loved to grip his back when he found that special spot on her neck or between her thighs.

“Oh God,” Emily’s back arched. “Mmm, Ian,”

“You feel so damn good,” he growled in her ear before biting the lobe. “I'm probably gonna burn in hell for as much as I want you.”

“At least you won't be alone.”

They rolled on the mattress and Ian pulled her on top of him. He wasn’t even sure if Emily could ride it but one thing he knew about her was that she was a quick study. She stroked him, hot and hard. He’d never needed much help in that department; he was nineteen after all. The condoms were under her pillow and always were when she snuck him into her bedroom. Ian took it from her hand, shivering as he slid it onto his erection.

“Are you OK with this?” he asked.

“Shut up.” She smiled as she mounted him.

Emily liked being on top. It was strange, this was her first time but she liked it a lot. She liked the control it gave her. Being underneath made her feel like she couldn’t breathe and wanted to scream. She didn’t feel that way on top.

She liked the way her body felt and the way Ian could touch her. She liked being able to see him, feel him, and touch him back. A simple shift could make her quiver. A thrust could make her lose her breath.

She was running the show, like she used to when horseback riding as a little girl. On top was definitely her new favorite thing. It didn’t feel like it was just about some guy getting his kicks, even if Ian was different. This was about her, her wants, her needs, and her satisfaction. It was supposed to be about her since a man could rub on a rock and come like a geyser.

“You like that?” she smiled, leaning over him for a kiss.

“Oh God, yeah; fuck yeah.” Ian grinned as he kissed her hard.

He didn’t give a damn if she wanted to be on top every time. He was all for her getting what she wanted and needed out of the experience. He liked the way she smiled and the way she touched herself. Damn, how could this girl know so much about sexuality and what she liked? How could she even stand to be touched after what he assumed happened to her just eight months before? Maybe he was an asshole for thinking of his stupid horny desires over her mental wellbeing.

But it didn’t look as if Emily wasn’t enjoying herself. It didn’t feel as if she wasn’t 100% there with him, in this moment. Ian didn’t want to think too hard about it. He was enjoying the rush; sex always gave him a rush. It was better than any drug he’d tried and he experimented with his fair share. Emily Prentiss was the best drug he knew; he would need rehab to shake her off.

“Oh Ian, Ian, Ian!” her body fell over his as she felt the climax coming. It would be the first time Emily ever experienced it during regular sex.

“That’s it, baby,” he whispered, stroking her back and ass. “Let go. Just let it all go and come.”

She did, whimpering and gripping the pillows beneath his head. Ian didn’t want to roll them, didn’t want to freak her out. So he thrust upward, again and again, until his own climax came and left him breathless.

“Fuck.” He said through clenched teeth, holding her tightly against him. “I'm so burning in hell.”

“If it makes you feel any better, I can live with that.”

“Cute.” Ian kissed her.

Emily moved off top of him but lay in his arms. She pulled the fleece throw over them from the bottom of her bed. There was little chance of Erin coming home and catching them but she knew the afterglow couldn’t be this long, drawn out thing.

“You OK?” he asked. She’d been quiet for a while. Emily could be quiet. She could go through these long spans of introspective silence. Ian appreciated that but still wanted to ask. She wasn’t his girl but that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to look after her.

“We should finish this joint.” She reached over him to grab the ashtray, lighter, and toilet paper roll. Ian propped up the pillows while Emily sparked up. “You know, I've been thinking…I'm kinda pissed I can't go to Radcliffe.”

“Huh? What's Radcliffe?”

“I'm talking about the college. It completely merged with Harvard two years ago so, for all intents and purposes, it doesn’t exist anymore.” She took a deep inhale before passing the joint.

“You’d go to a girls’ school?” he asked.

“Is there something wrong with that?” Emily looked at him.

“Nope.” Ian shook his head as he took a puff. “I'm sure there aren’t giant pillow fights and topless sunbathing on the quad as I’d like to imagine.”

“These are serious institutions you pig.” She laughed.

“You could go to Wellesley…Hillary Rodham Clinton went there.”

“I know; I've thought about it. I’d only consider there, Smith, Barnard or Bryn Mawr. Aunt Erin went to Bryn Mawr. So did Katharine Hepburn.”

“No shit?” he passed the joint. “Are you talking about the real Katharine Hepburn?”

“No, the fake one…yes the real one.” She laughed. “She posed for a statue that still stands there to this day.”

“You're getting the hell out of here as soon as possible, aren’t you?” Ian asked. He didn’t want to sound too sad about it. Such was life; people didn’t stay. He’d learned that the hard way over the years. At nineteen, Ian had already lost more people than he gained.

“I'm only staying because its home right now.” Emily replied. “But both Aunt Erin and I have plans beyond where we kinda ended up by accident. She’s gonna marry Dave Rossi and live in some posh DC suburb. That will be a great life for her. I'm gonna move on too. C'mon, I know you have no desire to stay in small town suburbia hell.”

“Cambridge…fuck no.” he shook his head. “But I like this area. I could see myself in Portland or Seattle. I’d open a bar like my Uncle; sell beer and showcase local bands. Maybe get some girls dancing on the bar like in Coyote Ugly.”

“You'd be happy for life.”

“Yeah, maybe. As I get older the girls will keep getting younger, like Hugh Hefner or something. Shit baby, I can't sell weed and drive around this piece of shit town in a Buick for the rest of my life. Not even in a kickass Buick.”

“I feel OK, Ian.” Emily replied. She took another deep inhale and passed the joint. It was almost gone.

“You're jumping subjects again. This isn’t even the good shit and it’s got you all over the map.”

“I mean about the sex. I feel OK.”

“Well I'm glad.” He took a moment to think about her words and then smoked. They didn’t really mean anything but at the same time he knew Emily didn’t lie to him. There was no reason to…they never had that kind of relationship. If she said she felt OK, then she felt OK. The problem was that OK had ten million definitions. “What's that mean?”

“Hmm?” she rested her head on his chest. Emily smiled when Ian stroked her hair.

“What's OK mean?”

“It means OK. I don’t feel edgy, weird, sick, scared, freaked out, or insert fucked up feeling here.”

“How do you feel?” Ian asked.

“Oh God,” Emily rolled her eyes. “No one but my therapist is allowed to ask me that ever again. I'm really starting to hate that question. I know the point of it but shit, you can only hear it a million times before it loses any meaning at all.”

“I could rephrase.”

“I’d like to see you try.”

“You don’t feel shitty after sex with me, do you? And I'm not asking for some bullshit male ego reason. I'm asking cuz I care.”

“No.” she shook her head. “I don’t.”

“You want another puff of this?”

Emily took the joint and had one more go. It was Friday night; she didn’t have anywhere to be in the morning. She was perfectly content to get high, have a little sex, and listen to the rain fall outside her window. What she couldn’t do was listen to Mazzy Star one more time.

She grabbed the remote and switched CDs. Annie Lennox came on but Emily skipped it. That was the music that reminded her of Jason now. It wouldn’t be a good idea to listen to that when Ian was around. Echo and the Bunnymen were OK though.

“I should probably get dressed.” Ian pushed the blanket off and got out of bed.

“You're so scared of my Aunt.” Emily laughed.

“She's a tough broad…and she hates my guts. She’d probably have a breakdown if she knew I was here right now.”

“If she really didn’t want me to see you then she’d put her foot down. Aunt Erin has just as many sides as I do, if not more. Where do you think I got it from?”

“Scary thought, that there's a more complicated person than Emily Prentiss out there in the world.” he dressed quickly, sitting on the edge of her bed in his jeans and tee shirt.

Emily sighed, wrapping her arms around him from behind. She knew he was about to leave and she just had to remind herself it was not because he was repulsed by her.

“You're hitting and running?” she asked, putting on a cheeky front.

“I hate to. I gotta go meet a guy about some stuff.”

“Yeah.” she kissed his neck. “It’s OK. I’ll throw on something; walk you out.”

Emily didn’t bother to get redressed. She put on her flannel pajama pants and a Smiths tee shirt Sam bought her last Christmas. Barefoot, she walked him down to the front door. Emily opened it and checked to make sure her Aunt wasn’t back early.

“I’ll see you around.” She said.

Ian pulled her close and hugged her. Then he kissed her nose.

“See ya Prentiss.”

“Did you leave me a present?” she asked.

“I did.” He nodded. “I should start charging you for it. That shit doesn’t grow on trees.”

“I thought the payments you received were adequate and to your liking.”

Ian just smirked; she always had something to say. She had to have the last word and that was something else he never liked with anyone but her. He wanted to hug her again but it felt like overkill. So he just patted her on top of the head, cuz he knew it would annoy her.

Then he walked out of the black security door. Ian wasn’t even parked on her block, so he had to walk in the rain to his car. It didn’t matter; surely one of the nosy biddies in the neighborhood had seen him and would report back to Erin Strauss. She’d surely want to know when unwelcome guests were in her house.

Emily watched until his form had faded from her sight. She latched the security door, closing the front door and leaving it unlocked. It was still early so she’d find something to do for fun. Going out in the rain wasn’t an option though surely there was someone at the bowling alley, skating rink, game store, or diner to hang out with. It was just cold and wet out there while inside was warm and cozy.

A small part of her thought of calling Jason Gideon but quickly nixed that. It hadn't been long since they'd spoken last. She didn’t want to push herself on him or make him regret being her friend. First things first…Emily had to take care of the munchies. There were chicken nuggets in the freezer. Maybe she would make some snacks and watch a movie.

Friday was far from over and Emily wasn’t ready to call it a night. She wasn’t feeling like shit and that was a good thing. While the real test came when she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep that wasn’t going to be for a while. She would surround herself with as many positive vibes as possible and hoped they followed her into her dreams later on.

***


End file.
